Ol’ Man Grandy, American Hero
Dwight Timothy Grandy ain’t paying your damned income taxes, and he dares you to try and make him. Push the issue, and he’s got an arsenal of ironclad legal arguments defending his right to not pay taxes at the ready, included but not limited to the following:
- He does not have a residence,
- He is not a citizen of the United States,
- He does not reside in a Federal area,
- He is a citizen of the sovereign nation Dwight Timothy Grandy’s Mini-Mart and Country,*
- The United States is located in the District of Columbia,
- He is not an officer or employee of the Government, and therefore does not owe Federal income tax.
- Wages are not income.
*may not have happened.
Logical as those reasons may seem, the IRS failed to be swayed. They required Grandy to file his federal returns for the years 2002-2007, which accomplished little more than giving this protesting Picasso a palate on which to paint more awesomeness.
- While he reported wages on the Forms 1040EZ, he put them between brackets to signify a negative balance, and reported “0” taxes owed. His stated reason at the trial for reporting his wages between brackets was that “the United States has abandoned the constitutional money substance, gold and silver. They instead use credit hypothecated upon my work product, so it’s a lien on the public socialist trust. So a lien by definition is a negative.”
- Grady printed at the bottom of the first page of each Form 1040EZ “Corporate Excise Tax Return”. His stated reason for writing “corporate excise tax return” was “Because the congressional and Supreme Court case law states by defining income that it all stems from the 1909 corporate excise tax. It was reaffirmed after 1913 as a statutory extension of the corporate excise tax.”
- He signed his returns, “Dwight Timothy Grandy does not spell his name in all CAPITOL [sic] letters or he is a corporate entity”.
When the IRS continued to push the issue, Grandy fought back at his oppressors, suing the IRS, the revenue agent who audited his returns, and yes, even the Tax Court judge, alleging that they were “working for foreign agents, have violated the original organic contract and compact known as the Constitution for the united states of America.”
Grady’s legal brief, which sought a paltry $62,700,000 as compensation for his troubles, contained the following attack on the audit process, which I’ve copied and pasted into my firm’s standard response letter for use in future exams:
Michael J. Cummings made, uttered or possesses a counterfeited security of a State or a political subdivision thereof or of an organization, or made, uttered, or possesses a forged security of a State or political subdivision thereof or of an organization, with intent to deceive. The counterfeited security is ‘evidence of indebtedness’ which, in a broad sense, may mean anything that is due and owing which would include a duty, obligation or right of action. No duty, obligation, or right of action exists against the plaintiffs’ property. The defendant is aware that no duty, obligation, or right of action exists and is therefore intent on counterfeiting the security. * * * Michael J. Cummings has committed all the causes of action in this action at law.
Ultimately, the Tax Court held Grandy liable for the full amount of assessed deficiencies and tacked on a $3,000 “frivolous argument” penalty under I.R.C. § 6673 for good measure. As of press time, no wordwas available on the outcome of the$62 million dollar lawsuit, but Grandy remains hopeful.
