Is Your Family in the Game for the Long Haul?
The stories behind our client families are sometimes tragic, often inspiring, and always interesting. And of course, over time, we have noticed that certain patterns repeat themselves, particularly in family businesses. The complaints are so similar – the patriarch/matriarch founder of the business operates autocratically, demanding perfection without ever ceding control; the heir-apparent works 100 hours per week while the dilettante sibling does nothing; the inevitable generational clash of philanthropic interests in the family foundation. The common thread is that far too much assuming goes on between family members and, because of that, resentments tend to fester and sometimes explode. Without proper management, this dynamic can be lethal, driving family members apart and destroying not only the family unit itself… but perhaps even the business or the family foundation.
You know the old saying: “From shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations.” Sometimes it’s a wonder that family fortunes last even that long.
So what is a family to do?
Successful business and not-for-profit leaders have long known that the establishment of a formal and communicated mission and vision statement within their organizations goes a long way toward organizational self-definition and the creation of a positive image in the marketplace. Formally stating these points enables management, staff, volunteers, donors, and the public to align their values with those of the organization. A well-defined and mission-driven organization has a much better chance at achieving success, however defined, than a vaguely defined one. Couldn’t the same be said for families? What about a family mission and vision statement?
Before you write this off as some hippy-dippy claptrap, consider the source of some of this thinking. Based on his experience in working with some of the nation’s wealthiest families, Charles W. Collier, the former Senior Philanthropic Advisor at Harvard University, writes about confronting these issues in his excellent monograph Wealth in Families (Second Edition):
“I define a successful family as one that knows who it is, what it stands for, and where it is going. Successful families manage themselves deliberately. There is much at stake for your individual family members, for your family as a whole, and for society at large. If you and your family can define “what’s important” before deciding “what to do,” then your children will thrive, your family will flourish, and society will benefit”. (Collier, p. 5)
This might be easier for the family with a business or foundation at stake. Other families without the formality of a business unit or private foundation to bind them may find it a bit harder to do, but either way, the results can be well worth it. Contemplating the big questions of family philosophy, beliefs and values will force you to define:
- What is truly important to our family?
- What are our family’s true assets?
- What can/should we do to guide and support the life journey of each family member over time?
- How wealthy do we want our children to be?
- Do we have a responsibility to society?
Touchy-feely? Perhaps. Might you as a successful entrepreneur or business person become impatient with such an “Age of Aquarius” approach? Entirely possible. But if you check your impatience at the door and involve all your family members where appropriate, you just might find that your family unit is strengthened and better able to function and thrive over the long term, to truly travel from “success to significance.”
Next Up: The 10 Best Practices of Successful Families
